Inspiration

Amazingly inspirational.

Amorem acuit absentia,eum praesentia confirmat 
(Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.)
-Thomas Fuller

Rockin' to Yiruma.

First of all, I would like to thank everyone and anyone who has helped me through this past week. Actually, I'd like to thank everyone and anyone who has helped me in general. You guys get me through the tough times. Your comments, advise, and insight have comforted and inspired me. So, again, thank you.

Despite my very remorse entry last week, I have come to realize that I am still the same person; do not fret! haha. I was just burried in so much pain and heartbreak that I couldn't see the light. Dan and I had some time to ourselves and I slowly found myself again. It all sounds so so corny, but it's really what I felt. When you feel something, writing it all down and reading it just seems so....cheesy.

It was hard for a good two days, but I started realizing that I should just live my own life, and not escape to his. I was sitting around waiting for good things in my life to start, but I forgot that this is my life. Every morning I started the day by telling myself, "It's a new day. Good things are gonna come my way." And this is also gonna sound very corny but, praying really helped me get through. I put my faith in God that things would get better, and they did. I'm not saying my relationship or the problems in my life are completely 100% fixed, but it is getting better. I just had to realize that I just need to be me, and not what anyone wants me to be. I just need to live my own life and make my own decisions.

I've been so blessed. Blessed with friends, family, a good spirit, a positive attitude, and everything around me. God shows his blessings in little ways. The beautiful weather we've been having, the color of the trees, the gorgeous sunset this morning, the people who care about you, a good deed, a good grade, etc. It's hard to be optimistic when something you're passionate about brings you down or when you're having problems in your life. But it will always turn out okay.

Again, I wouldn't have this kind of attitude if it weren't for the people wo helped. A special thanks to ishan and nikki for your guys' help. Reading ur guys' comments made me bawl. hahaha it sounds so lame. You guys made me remember who I was: happy and full of energy. I read your comments and felt guilty for betraying the optimistic person I was. So thanks. And I will never give up on love! =) I hope you guys don't either! Things will get better. =)

Wow this entry is sooo.........optimistic and....religious. hahaha. It sounds like an inspirational speech or something. Anyways, I just wanted to thank everyone and let those people who care and read this know that im happy! =)

On a side note.....

My heart belongs in Ann Arbor (no, not just cuz dan's there), and my work ethic belongs in East Lansing. Hahahha no diss intended to State people, I just don't think with my half-assing papers and lack of studying, i'd be able to keep up with Umich's classes.

Ann Arbor feels so...welcoming to me. I love the atmosphere and nature. It incases so much creativity. I feel comfortable there. =) East Lansing makes me feel trapped. I'm constricted only to my house, classes, or work. =/

Anyways, I'll cut this entry short. The weather is beautiful todayyy =) Time to nap (no work, yay!!!!) then run then off to my two other classes.

My confessions.

it actually makes me very sad that no one reads my xanga anymore. I liked sharing my thoughts and having people understand me and what I go through. it comforts me. the advice helps me get through.

I've let myself go. No, not physically because I am actually working very hard to lose weight; but I mean "let myself go" in terms of who I am. I am not the same person I was last year. I was happier and comfortable with who I was and where I was going. Nowadays it just seems like nothing is good enough. I've totally lost my strength and independence. I heavily relied on dan for a lot of things. Things that I used to be able to handle myself or tell my friends. I've lost my optimistic energy and my excitement for anything else besides seeing dan. It's known that only you can create your happiness, however i've been searching for it through him.

I yearned for a relationship for pretty much my whole life. I wanted to be in love and be loved in return. The thought of spending time with someone you enjoy was so exciting to me; And it was. The first year of our relationship was incredible. It was nothing but love and excitement. Everyday was a day to look forward to and enjoy because you knew that the love between the both of you was overpowering. The exchanges of I love yous, kisses, and cuddling were constant and precious.

The last 7 months was a total flip. The freshness of all of it started fading and we got comfortable with each other, which brought on high expectations, disagreements, and routine. The excitement of seeing each other faded and it became a habit. My independence was foolishly lost in overbearing love. I continued to expect the same intense love for each other and excitement to spend time together as it was in the beginning. The fights grew as much as 2-3 times a week and it was more work than fun. After a few months, I realized my selfish habits were ruining our relationship and decided that something should be done to save us. I began to believe that seeing each other everyday would solve our problems. I put his needs and happiness before mine to make up for all those fights I had started. Now it has led to a minefield of expectations, disappointment, and impatience. My bad relationship habits have broke down not only myself, but his patience and understanding towards me.

Now it's harder than ever to be without him for so long. I've put this upon myself. I lost my strength, energy, and happiness. I've let go of my strong friendships and relationships with my parents because I belived he could solve all my problems; but my problems now revolve around our relationship. I have no where to turn to and I must live in frustration and torture because the one person i counted on, is the person that constantly breaks my heart.

I have no idea what to do. I have no idea what to think. I have no direction to go and nothing to look forward to, and it's all because I loved too much. I had no idea that was possible.

Does this translate into a faulty relationship? Or does true love take this much work? I've heard from so many people that couples who are together for a long while tend to fight as much as we do, but how much is too much? How do you know when it stops? When will things get better? What will make things better? Are we even meant to be?

There are so many questions that can't be answered. And it's leading me to be helpless, confused, and alone.

time for the cute/creative american apparel costume entry

ipod sillouhette!

mr. peanut :)

the titanic and an iceberg :) hahha

jelly beans!

herbert the pervert LOL

allen from the hangover. HAHAH

pot of gold

cookie monster and his cookie

sushi rolls hahaha awww

peanut butter and jelly

missing face on a milk carton

marty mcfly. hahaha

cute grapes

toad

weaties cereal box

pinatas

the old facebook hahaha

yeah im done looking

this is the last year i can be creative w/ my costumes and make them cute :(

maybe ill be lucky next year